Grieving in Real Time

The inescapable truth is that each of us is going to lose someone we love or care deeply about during our lifetime. And, the older we get, the greater the number of losses we are likely to experience—family, friends, co-workers, people we may serve, neighbors, even a beloved pet. Simply put, grieving is universal. All will experience the cycle of emotions differently, particularly the seven stages of grief associated with the loss of an intimate—shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, reflection, loneliness, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through, acceptance and hope. In my personal experience, there is not necessarily a logical progression to these stages; they may hit simultaneously, out of order, and loop back. While some may agree that grief eventually goes to a quieter place, for most, it never completely goes away. Wherever you are in your grief journey, it is the right place for you. Any expectation that one should just “get over it” is not realistic.

My loss history may be similar to yours. As a child I lost a cousin to polio, and a neighbor friend to a car accident. Over the years I would lose other friends, all of my grandparents, and other close family members. I’ve lost three children to miscarriage, and not a day goes by that my heart doesn’t ache. Within the past two years I lost my brother, Andy (July 2013), my mother “Sue” (March 2015), and my Uncle Bud (May 2015). It was the compound affect of these most recent losses in such a short period of time, and perhaps the cumulative affect of losses over decades, that prompted me to start a blog for others to share their own stories.Thank you for taking time to share a few thoughts. May this blog serve as a safe place to honor memories, to validate emotions, and to provide compassion and hope as we all journey forward. I encourage each of you to reach out for resources as needed.

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